Hello Beautiful Nervous Systems,

I know you are much more than a nervous system, but today I am speaking to who is running the show: your nervous system.

You may have just passed American Thanksgiving. How did it go?

You might be anticipating upcoming holidays. What is sitting in your body around it? 

We often, if not always, have a multitude of emotions, thoughts and sensations at the same time. You are multitudes. This makes you interesting.

So of course I can only ever speak in generalities when it comes to experiences. Did you find yourself in the Drama Triangle? If you didn’t have a chance to look at it, here it is: 

If you have identified where you first land when faced with a conflict, great. 

Or maybe you see how you bounce between 2 points, and then land on the third one. Perfect. 

These points are all “pointing” to nervous system states. No judgement, no criticism. They are just terms for where your state lands largely due to family and cultural conditioning.

The victim is in flight. 

The rescuer is in fawn/freeze.

The persecutor is in fight. 

Our states determine our stories (what we think). This is important.

The story you are telling yourself is very hard to change on it’s own. It feels so real. But not always helpful. 

This is where we turn to our state. Research is showing us that our thoughts are a product of our state, they are trying to make sense of what is happening in your body, not the other way around. 

So to get out of drama, you have to change your state. Not other people. Not your parents. Not your kids. Not your perspective (although that can help). 

Your state. You have to be willing to open into the unknown of moving out of a pattern. 

You have to be willing to develop more resilience to feeling discomfort to withstand the outcome of standing up, speaking out or simply coming out of your comfort zone which is too small for you.

You have to step firmly into your own experience and step out of other people’s business! 

My personal favourite has been the rescuer. I love to step in and rescue people! It’s my forte!  It feels virtuous, strong and needed. It sure made me an empathetic therapist and within that role, I was good. I had to develop my own inner boundaries on my rescuer as I was bound to being professional and could not worry about all of my clients. 

I have also been known to play a good victim. Sometimes it feels good to believe that it’s all about someone else and life isn’t fair. But, it is limiting. Super-limiting. 

So we easily flip to persecutor. Blame it on someone else! How powerful is that! That driver, that store clerk, that partner, that ___ you name your favourite. This is really easy if we don’t know how to truly express our needs and speak up. 

All of these roles have a downside and are fueled by anxiety. 

They are EXHAUSTING!

Ok, so boundaries. 

• A boundary around yourself that keeps you in your own business. If your thoughts are flying, move into any self-care action that demonstrates you are looking after yourself
• A loving boundary on your inner child who comes up and says “let’s blame, let’s rescue, let’s feel helpless.” Turn it into “We’re not doing that today. Let’s do this instead.”
• A willingness to be uncomfortable. For 24 hours. For 48 hours. For longer. Patterns will change. The fog will clear. You will survive.

These are no small shifts. But the joy and peace that will meet you when you step out of anxiety is regenerating. It is nourishing and fulfilling. Not draining. 

Try it and let me know how it goes. You will see that often boundaries are not about doing more. They are about doing less. 

Then you can expand into more. 

Expand your life, your energy, your joy and laughter. 

No more waiting, expecting the world to be different. You are walking proudly in your own inner circle through the world. 

THIS is how you can live as a sensitive person. Not hiding away from stress, but building resilience so that you can explore and get curious about the world, knowing you are protected by YOU.

Next time we are going to look at how the female nervous system specifically and how feeling ALL your emotions does not mean dysregulation. It might be a clue to your own nervous system alignment and a path to health. 

To your courage,

Madeleine