If you live in a sensitive nervous system, you know the importance of boundaries. 

• How they can be difficult to hold firm.
• How it gets confusing when we feel guilty
• How we can feel indebted to people or make excuses for bad behaviour when we feel for others so, so deeply. 

And yet, we also know what happens when we don’t have boundaries. We end up in a vicious cycle of resentment, anger and blame. 

For a hsp or highly sensitive person, if there was one area I would say moves the dial on everything else, it is this: 

Learning to set embodied boundaries where your heart, mind, voice, body and emotions are aligned, will be the most powerful thing you will do. 

But here’s the thing. Boundaries should not make our lives smaller, they should give us the clarity needed to focus our energies in ways that are fulfilling and satisfying and fill us up rather than drain us. 

When we define the hallways we walk down as our life, we get to determine which doors are open, and which are closed, at least for now. 

Boundaries should not be barriers. Barriers are like concrete walls that close off, hold doors shut and make the only option of retreating into a life that is smaller than you would honestly like.

Just for safety, you say.

Because I have to, you say.

I can’t do that.. I am sensitive, you say.

I am too easily overwhelmed, you say. 

All of the above may be true.  And it can also be used as an excuse to not live up to your own creative, infinite potential and experience the life you want to live. It might feel scary.

You might not know there is an in-between. Being an empath is not a life sentence for living behind closed doors. In fact, I know that many sensitive people are highly creative and intuitive when they get the boundary thing down, they contribute in amazing and meaningful ways to the world and people around them. 

When I hear young people closing off, that concerns me. The labels hsp and empath can be used as a fixed identity, and they’re not. 

You can learn to go into the mall and enjoy it. 

You can learn to expand and go to a party on your terms.

You can take that course, apply for that job or have that difficult conversation that is weighing you down. 

The avoidance of things makes it worse, even though you may think it makes it better. 

So let me ask you. 

Where in your life do you feel resentment?

What swirls in your thoughts that you would love to get out?

What are you avoiding? Physically or emotionally. 

These will give you clues to where an inner or outer boundary is needed. 

Start small. Practice breathing calming and slowly to regulate your nervous system and build tolerance and capacity.  

Imagine what it would feel like to state and embodied NO. (more on that later).

If you are avoiding the mall, or a neighbour, or an email, imagine what it/they look like. Perhaps drive closer, walk by the house, or open the email, breathing deeply. 

You are here. You are ok. You are safe. You are practicing. 

Boundaries should expand your life, protect your life force so that you have more energy. Not shrink your life so that you can hardly go out anymore. 

Here is a graph of my way of viewing boundaries: 

Let me know what you think. 

Do you have difficulty finding your voice to speak up?

Is your NO a little shaky?

Or perhaps you are a boundary boss, but your life is kinda small now. 

I would love to know in the comments. 

My class Embodied Boundaries is coming up on December 11th from 10am-12pm. 

You can register here: