Bell “Let’s Talk” campaign to reduce stigma about mental illness raised a record-breaking almost $8 million this year!
That is such great news but I am always stumped by the question…
What keeps it so secret?
Why do us humans find it so difficult to talk about our difficulties when clearly everyone experiences them to some degree?
I have the great privilege of sitting in a confidential room with amazing people listening to their struggles when they often have no-one they trust in their lives to talk to.
Shame shrouds us in secrecy, feeling like we are the only one, the only family, the only marriage that is hurting.
The shame can hurt more than the issue itself.
To be seen, truly seen, as a worthwhile human being, which we all are, in the light of all our so-called defects, faults, mis-takes and imperfections is the most transformative and healing light that could be shone.
To be loved through our stories of failure, of disappointment, of falling down and getting up, of fear and mental illness, joins us in our shared humanity.
It doesn’t matter how ‘stupid’ it sounds, how ‘silly’ you think your feelings are, how ‘scared’ you feel.
You feel what you feel. No questions asked, no arguments, no rationalizing or defending.
Can you feel the strength in that?
We truly are all in this together and this is where science and spirituality are merging.
We are more connected than alone.
We are more the same than different.
The thing is, shame leaks out anyway in ways far more damaging than the secret itself.
It comes out against others in rage, in control, in narcissism.
It turns inwards into harsh, self-critical thoughts, depression and loneliness.
Or it tries to be desperately avoided through numbing addictions, denial, people-pleasing and approval-addiction.
But mostly in the secret belief that “There is something wrong with me”.
If you find yourself in this blog, please send this message to yourself:
Darling, there is nothing wrong with you.
You are human, humans are messy and they hurt.
No-one does this life perfectly. That’s not what we are here for.
We are here to make mistakes and grow,
to mess up and learn,
to have our hearts broken again and again,
and to still love,
Starting with ourselves.
You are forgiven for being human.
Want more learning about shame and tools to help you move through it?
Join me in my upcoming training “Lifting Above Shame”, a 5-week class to start shame-spotting, regulating your nervous system, quiet the inner critic and start relaxing into your human-ness.
Registration ends tomorrow!
Let’s end the worlds biggest lie together,