There are moments in our lives that stand out.
Where there is a before and an after.
Like someone just pulled up an invisible curtain and you can see so clearly what was always there.
One of these moments was when I landed upon a description of an emotional empath.
I had heard the term “empath” many times, but never stopped to actually look at what it meant. I knew I was highly sensitive, but I had NO idea to what degree compared to other people.
And I say compared because it wasn’t until I realized that not everyone exists in the the same reality as me, that things started to make sense.
All we can know as children is our own experience. It can be confusing, overwhelming and frankly suffocating to live in such an open nervous system with seemingly very little protection in the world.
And at times, dangerous.
It’s not so much the emotional overload of picking up everyone’s energy in every room, but the adaptations we make to cope with it. Adaptations are patterns of protection when we can’t be the full expression of ourself. Like a tree that grows a branch around an obstacle or a spine that curves in protection of a broken heart. Like lying, hiding, blaming, pretending, anger.
Empaths pick up all emotions, felt and unfelt. It’s actually the unfelt and unexpressed that cause the most distress.
Empaths can see when people are avoiding or faking it, which is almost everyone, and we learn to fake it really well.
We can feel what others are not yet feeling, or blocking but are unable to make the distinction between you and me.
I had a moment recently that brought back this old body memory of feeling like I am not big enough to hold all of this in one body.
Have you ever felt that way?
Most people have never known themselves without their adaptations. We fix, control, take over, run, hide, drink, escape, develop an eating disorder. There are so many ways to avoid what is happening in your body.
What we don’t know is this: this intense sensation will pass quickly if you let it and on the other side is all your freedom from it.
What I wish I knew at the time, and a letter to young empaths:
- You are bigger than any emotion in your body: I know, I know, the discomfort is excruciating but it will pass. Set a timer and breathe for 30 minutes without running and you will soon become an emotional alchemist.
- Ask: Is this mine or someone else’s? It doesn’t always make it easier, but it helps to start distinguishing between yourself and the world.
- Find ways to sit, feel, write and express your truth, even if it’s ugly: I hate them, I hate myself, I feel like shit, I want to run away, I want to hit them. Whatever it is, it’s not who you are, it is fueled by a strong emotion and the story is simply a way of getting it out.
- Go into nature and look at the sky: Not for a purpose, not as a task, but simply to enter the natural, true world that is bigger and vaster than your mind. It is life-saving and has saved me many times!
- Find one person to relate to: Anyone. A friend, therapist or family member. Empaths are good listeners, and often take on the role of therapist for others. YOU need a non-judgemental ear as well.
- Don’t take on the gripes and conflicts of others if they are not yours: If people around you have their own relationship issues, they are not yours. Don’t try to fix them. It takes away their power.
The last thing I wish I had access to is breathwork. My body was suffocating from lack of oxygen. Literally.
Breathwork for me is like a chiropractic adjustment.
Get out of the mind and into the body with the healing power of the breath.
Keep adjusting until you are more aligned. Aligned with truth, freedom, ease and love.
In alignment with who you were meant to be, before you developed trauma adaptations that became your life.
THIS is what I offer you now.
Become your own emotional alchemist. Join me in the next breathwork journey. You matter. Your life is important.
Stop wasting your precious energy on your trauma adaptations
Healing Trauma Imprints that Hold You Back: Wednesday October 5th, 11am-12:30pm
I can’t wait to breathe with you into your new life,