Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

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The Root of Anxiety

Image result for hafiz fear

First of all, a couple of June surprises. I am teaching 3 drop-in mindfulness/gentle yoga sessions on Friday June 14th, 21st and 28th from 12-1pm at Namaste Yoga & Wellness Centre in Salmon Arm. It is drop-in, so come on in to breathe and practice together. It’s pay-what-you-can and no experience necessary, so join me!

Secondly, I am so happy to be offering coaching sessions online (phone, Skype or Zoom) to help you tackle that anxiety that holds you back and keeps you living small. I have a package available on my website to help you transform and heal your anxiety once and for all. The package includes email support and also I have included an amazing offer of my 5-week online course ‘From Fear to Freedom’ in the purchase of a package. In my experience, this is a powerful combo to get support, guidance and real results in your life. I don’t want you living in fear anymore! You can find it right here.

Now onto today’s blog..

Do you find yourself running around trying to meet other people’s needs? Or striving for perfection in your body, mind, relationships, life?

Is there a feeling that this could be better, I (or they) could be smarter, fitter, happier, nicer, different in some way?

Do you spend a lot of time trying to please others, then get resentful and feel rejected when you are not appreciated?

Is there are part of you that tries to control others, then feels angry when they don’t meet your expectations?

All these patterns can cause a great deal of anxiety and are exhausting. Trying to control the external world around us is never-ending work! And the kicker is that we might feel good and content when the world meets our needs, or we meet others needs, but it never lasts. It’s a slippery balancing act and eventually topples over into disappointment, resentment and anger.

If you see yourself in the scenarios above, there is a good chance there is one core belief at the root of all of it.

A core belief that is completely false, and surprisingly common: “I’m not worthy” or “I’m not good enough”.

It is elusive, hidden, and makes us believe that the fault lies with others, with circumstances, or with who we are. We can feel so good one minute, then in the next we are affected by a change, a comment, or a behaviour around us.

The sad thing is that our life then tends to mirror this belief. We find what we are looking for.

When it shows up, we know it: in our triggers. In anxiety. In fearful thoughts, body sensations and emotions. Usually we try everything we can to avoid this as it is a pretty painful belief and one we can feel helpless to change. Or we act out in anger or withdrawal. Until now.

If you have noticed this in yourself, remember that you are not alone. Many if not all of my clients relate to this in some way.

I know I do. It wasn’t until I noticed my behaviours, my thoughts and mostly my reactions that I began to suspect this underlying belief. When it hit home, I could automatically see how it had shown up in my life. All the ways I tried, strived and attempted to meet it, fulfill it and prove it wrong. But this never works. No program, new health plan, new skill or achievement can satisfy this hungry ghost.

The answer lies in being you and letting others be them. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Funny that we have to be taught to be ourselves, but we learned at a young age how not to be. We assume a false self at an early age that tells us how to be, what to be, in order to be accepted, loved, fit in and get our needs met. At least that is how we interpret it from a young mind. The adult mind knows this is not true. Your true self knows this is false.

This belief actually gets lodged in our nervous systems, so no number of affirmations can shift it. For true, long-lasting change we need an approach that considers thoughts, beliefs, emotions, your brain and nervous system.

But it is totally possible and the most important work you will do here. Here is a good place to start:

Notice where this shows up in your life. This is your small self.

Breathe deeply and feel into your body. Inhabit your breath like never before and feel into your feet, your hand, your heart. You.

You can only ever show up for your true self in the present moment, so remind yourself of this truth:

“I am enough in this breath. I am enough in my body. I am enough in this moment. I am worthy to be right here.”

When we feel worthy, we don’t need others to fill us up. We can let them have their reactions and not feel threatened or rejected. From this place, we can love.

Take this into your day, your activities, your relationships, and mostly, where you feel yourself shrink and hide or react.

May your true self shine through all of it!

Madeleine

ps. If you are ready to work through this and let go of negative patterns and step into freedom, contact me, send me a message to see if we are a good fit to work together.

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