How is it that the underlying, toxic belief of our unworthiness is so pervasive?
It’s like a virus in our software that the powers-that-create have not found the right anti-bugging program for!
It invades our interactions, our relationships, our material wealth and our ability to be who we are, show up and create a truly satisfying life. It shows up in over-performing, under-performing, people pleasing, addictions, and, well, anything else that takes us out of the discomfort of ‘not good enough’. How can anything make us happy if we are not happy and enough in ourselves? It’s actually impossible.
Even if we say all the ‘I am enough’ affirmations and work diligently to improve our mental and physical well-being, the effort in trying to be someone else actually entrenches this belief even further. The efforts don’t last because they are built on the wrong foundation.
You need to start with the foundation first. And that only comes when we shine the light on the cracks in the foundation.
I had a mother who didn’t know her own self-worth. From the outside she was beautiful, admired, loved, accomplished, friendly, but under was a gnawing sense of self-doubt. How do I know? Because I felt it. It is an energy.
As a child and an empath, I used to pick up and hold myself responsible for other’s feelings. It makes for a wonderful friend and ‘fixer’ but it can also leave you feeling heavy and helpless. I was unable to manage that energy, although I didn’t even know what it was! It was my job to fix everyone and everything.
This energy showed up in a look, a short breath, a slight body movement, a feeling. No words were needed. I just picked it up and made it my own.
One day as a mother myself, I was having a negative day, not feeling that great about myself. One of many days as a mother, you know what I mean?
I was driving my son to school and I looked over at him in the passenger seat. He didn’t even need to say anything. I knew he got it.
The same look, the exact same feeling I had as a child. “You ok Mom?”, he said. He looked confused, and a little worried. I paused.
Yes, I’m good. I smiled, looked him right in the eyes, softened myself and sank into the beauty of the moment with my beautiful sensitive child. I was good. I saw the truth, I felt it. I showed up to it and to him, and let love in.
This has been a practice for me ever since. Noticing the cracks in truth, and letting love in.
I know how it feels to carry the weight of a parent’s self-worth and unfulfilled dreams.
But it’s not a major shift. It’s a recognition of the truth of the moment, so the baggage of the past dissolves and love can rise.
Breathe, relax your shoulders, let the burden go. Sink into the NOW without resistance.
Don’t pretend, cover up or create a false self. You are enough is this moment….
You are the Truth of this moment. Always.
