Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

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The Faulty Belief under Shame, Fear and Anger

“You can live your life as if nothing is a miracle, or as if everything is a miracle.”

Albert Einstein

Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you that life is all sunshine and roses and that everything is a miracle, that’s not my way. 

But I am going to ask you to stay open to this possibility.. that life is not what it appears to be. 

The confusion, the good and the bad, the ups and downs and all the goals met or not met. These all occur but what is underneath all this activity? What is the Truth of life?

When I was young, probably 11 or 12, life seemed very confusing to me. I didn’t understand what was expected out of life, what we were doing here. (I know, I don’t ask small questions!).  

I remember very clearly thinking “The only thing we can ever know for sure is love”. 

I don’t know where that thought came from but it has come back to me time and time again. 

I’m going to start at the end: there is a place within you and every single human that is true, untouched, unwavering, pure and clear. It is your true self, and it is loving and forgiving. 

It doesn’t have to defend, compare, rationalize, achieve or worry. I have seen people come to this place of peace when they have let go of trauma, fear, shame and all the false conditioning that goes with all that. 

I have seen glimpses in moments of complete awe, of deep connection with others, in moments of stillness when there are no thoughts. 

I have felt it when 2 people suddenly realize that their differences were a complete misunderstanding.  Their eyes meet and see deeply into the depths of who they are. 

I have seen it when someone lets go of a long-held belief about themself that was never true to begin with, it was just a way of surviving. 

It is also what is seen when people are facing death: that most of what they thought was important and true, was in fact not, and the only true thing that matters is love. 

If you are what you think about you, then who are you when there is no thinking? 

You are the pure, unconditional awareness behind the mind. 

This is the biggest, most hidden truth that is right before us all the time. 

And the biggest lie behind fear, shame and anger is that we are not worthy of this truth. 

You were born worthy and still are, you may have just learned to protect yourself with a feeling of unworthiness so you could survive. 

Sound crazy? 

As children we can only ever think that we are the cause of the world’s problems as we don’t have the brain development to know any different. 

We are incredibly adaptive.. so we learn how to behave, or not behave to get our needs met, belong, fit in, get nurtured, and survive. 

In the process, we learn what parts to lock away or hide that are not deemed “acceptable”. This is an unconscious process that creates the underlying belief that our true self at our core, in not good enough. 

Ahhhh but now we get to unlearn that as adults.

Start by knowing this truth, even when it doesn’t feel true. The human who watches tv all day is as equally worthy as the one who climbs Mt. Everest.  

Start to notice what gets in the way:

What you feel you need to do to feel worthy.

What thoughts create a feeling of “not good enough”. 

Now bring a whole lot of self-compassion and forgiveness into your body even if it’s just to your big toe. 

Start to reconnect. Come home. 

Place your hands on your heart and feel your heartbeat. 

Feel your breathing. You are here. 

You, yes you, are deserving of your own love. 

If this resonates with you, great. If it doesn’t, that’s perfect too. 

You are exactly where you need to be. Your true self knows this.

“You do not need to crawl a hundred miles on your knees repenting,

You just have to let the soft flesh of your body love what it loves.”

Mary Oliver

You are indeed, 

a miracle.

 

 

 

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