If there was one big gaping public wound to be healed from 2020, what would it be?
The epidemic of fear and anxiety?
The pandemic of Covid?
The exposure of racism?
The need for anger management?
I would say there is an underlying, much more covert yet equally corrosive, contagious and dangerous virus… shame.
Shame is at the root of rage, toxic power, narcissism, violence, and basically all things yucky.
All we see is the surface explosion as it erupts through the surface to be healed, or should I say, it is mostly kept simmering under the surface as we desperately try to avoid the incredible discomfort and painful emotion of shame.
You are worthless.
You are bad.
You are definitely not enough the way you are.
You need to be improved.
Can you can feel the heavy weight of those statements, the angst and need to avoid this physical state of feeling at all costs?
Shame disconnects us from who we truly are. If you find yourself very defensive, cannot take criticism or admit mistakes, don’t lose well, raging or freezing when you feel disappointed or let down, shame is likely pulling the strings.
The explosion of anger and emotion we have seen with the #metoo movement and #Black LivesMatter was a necessary outing of the repressed shame into anger in order to be expressed and released.
Politics has been a vulgar display of blaming, finger pointing, lying and name calling, all tactics to successfully avoid shame and not take full responsibility for the vulnerability that shame requires in order to heal.
Steps for healing shame in 2021:
Notice where you avoid, blame, project rage onto others or are triggered.
Sit with the hair-trigger reaction. There is much to be learned here.
Ask: If I could not project outwards, what would I be feeling inside?
Bring: Tons of love and compassion to that small inner child who felt shamed, either indirectly or directly, by his/her caregiver.
This is the connection we need to make now.
To ourselves, to our wounds and hurts, in order to become whole. To be clear, you are already complete and whole, there have just been walls built inside you innocently through experiences.
This is a process. It might start with just your big toe.
When we are whole, we are enough. We don’t need to exploit others or the planet because we have enough, are enough, and no longer blame or are fearful of others. We don’t need to hoard because we care for our brothers and sisters as ourselves.
And we don’t need approval or love from others because we are have it from ourselves, in ourselves.
This is the root of healing in our bodies, and then healing our communities and the world.
Note: This is not a cognitive, analytical process, this is a feeling process. If you embark upon this journey of true courage, I suggest you have a supportive companion with you.
Shame thrives in secret and heals in companionship and sharing.
I have an invitation for you for as we move towards 2021.
Please join me live in a free webinar on “The #1 Step You Can Take to Heal in 2021″. There are 3 time slots available December 1st, 11am and 6pm PST and December 4th at 11am. Can’t make it? No problem. You will receive the recording when you register right here:
I hope to see you there!
Please email me anytime if you want to talk further.
Oh, and if you are wondering, can I heal?
The answer is always a resounding Yes!
Lots of love,