Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

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The question that can save a relationship

This is a different topic than usual, but we can’t talk about happiness unless we talk about relationships. I have worked with hundreds of couples over the years who come in with struggles, complaints and disappointments about their partner. Some stay together, some decide to separate, and all lose sight of each other from time to time. We can get oh-so-caught-up in the story of what the other is doing or not-doing, that we lose sight of the big picture, questioning whether this is the right person or not. This is normal. 

If that is you, I would suggest that during a moment of calm, not during a heated argument, ask yourself the following question from Gay Hendricks, best-selling author of ‘Conscious Relationships’  to help clarify. Here it is:

 

“At the end of your life, on your deathbed, is this the last face that you want to see?” 

 

Sit with that for 10 seconds or more, contemplating this question. Often, couples would tell me they would see their partners’ face and in it they see their years together, their wrinkles, their children, their memories, their struggles, their faults, their forgiveness, their human-ness. This is not the only question to ask of course, but similar to our breathing and mindfulness practices, it can be an avenue to come out of the stories, the fears, the blame, and ground into what is truly meaningful.  Caution: Don’t ask this during a moment of conflict or a heated argument, the answer might be something like “Are you kidding? I don’t ever want to see their face again!”. 

 

Relationships have conflicts. They have to in order for both individuals to grow. if you are in a relationship, you are bound to have rocky times. Ask yourself this question and see what comes up………..

 

Happy week to you all,

 

Madeleine

 

 

 

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