Author picture

Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

The question that can save a relationship

This is a different topic than usual, but we can’t talk about happiness unless we talk about relationships. I have worked with hundreds of couples over the years who come in with struggles, complaints and disappointments about their partner. Some stay together, some decide to separate, and all lose sight of each other from time to time. We can get oh-so-caught-up in the story of what the other is doing or not-doing, that we lose sight of the big picture, questioning whether this is the right person or not. This is normal. 

If that is you, I would suggest that during a moment of calm, not during a heated argument, ask yourself the following question from Gay Hendricks, best-selling author of ‘Conscious Relationships’  to help clarify. Here it is:

 

“At the end of your life, on your deathbed, is this the last face that you want to see?” 

 

Sit with that for 10 seconds or more, contemplating this question. Often, couples would tell me they would see their partners’ face and in it they see their years together, their wrinkles, their children, their memories, their struggles, their faults, their forgiveness, their human-ness. This is not the only question to ask of course, but similar to our breathing and mindfulness practices, it can be an avenue to come out of the stories, the fears, the blame, and ground into what is truly meaningful.  Caution: Don’t ask this during a moment of conflict or a heated argument, the answer might be something like “Are you kidding? I don’t ever want to see their face again!”. 

 

Relationships have conflicts. They have to in order for both individuals to grow. if you are in a relationship, you are bound to have rocky times. Ask yourself this question and see what comes up………..

 

Happy week to you all,

 

Madeleine

 

 

 

1 thought on “The question that can save a relationship”

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Madeleine's Most Recent Posts

For When You Feel Stuck and Worried…. Again!

First of all, this is what I do when I feel stuck, or blocked. Yup, that’s about it. Ok, now let’s dive in….. Good morning everyone,  I am down in Vancouver on a road trip to see the World Cup Rugby Sevens. Yes, it seems unlikely for me, considering none

Read More »

Anger is Valuable, Hate is Hate: Know the Difference

Anytime you feel uneasy, you can’t breathe, you are tight and anxious, worried… breathe into your belly and get curious.. what emotion am I feeling?  This IS the healing. Lately, I have been working with many people around the energy of anger, usually either to safely feel and release suppressed,

Read More »

The Great Contraction

You might say… why am I talking about contraction when I teach all about expansion? The simple answer is: you can’t have one without the other, and both are equally important.  Like a jellyfish, you can’t know expansion without contraction. This is life itself, the pulsating throb of the heart

Read More »

The Dark Night of the Soul

When I awoke this morning the sun was streaming in my window at our small cabin. Outside, the leaves were gently falling from the giant chestnut tree, wave were lapping at the shore and I could see a slight breeze was blowing.  This time of year is magical for me.

Read More »

Subscribe For Peaceful Insights

Top Posts

Want To Know The Truth About Anxiety?

Madeleine’s Archived Posts