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Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

Moving From Fear to Love: Your Choice

Something very profound happens when we are worried, anxious, lonely or confused and are in the presence of someone else who is fully accepting, fully loving of who we are in those moments. 

Nothing needs to be said.

We connect on the level of humanity, of love.

We know we are inherently ok, and we will make it through. 

We are given permission to let go of fear.

We realize that we are a human having a human experience.

No judgement, no shame.

This is the greatest gift. The presence of love is like a huge tidal wave, sweeping away fear and shame in it’s wake. 

Very different than being told

“You will be ok”, or

“Don’t worry”.

Even if we can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. We feel it.

You already know when you’re being judged, shamed or disapproved of. It comes out in arguments, convincing, cognitive ways. 

It comes out in glances, slights, tone of voice, body ways.

Love and real transformation comes out in energy.

You don’t have to do anything.

I did something that for me felt radical the other day. I was busy in my mind arguing all the ways someone else was wrong and had to be fixed/changed, so they could see the “right” way, ie. MY way. Suddenly I could see my pattern of how I do this, and how it would feel to the other person to hear this. Yucky is the term I would use. It wouldn’t get us or anyone else anywhere in this world. 

I let go. I went beyond ideas of right and wrong and saw us all in our humanity of clinging to ideas and thoughts that define who we are. We are all doing the same thing. It will never work. I had to let go and move beyond the pattern.

Boom! Death of my identity aligned with my beliefs. Death of the ego. Or rather it can feel like death when we let go which is why it is so hard for many of us. 

When we resist or argue with reality, it fights back harder.

There is a wonderful and frightening shift happening right now on the global stage. 

All the ways we have been shamed, not included, not loved or accepted are coming out loud. 

All the ways humanity has tried to control and manipulate the truth of what we are at our essence are being lifted. 

It’s like a volcano that was rumbling has finally erupted in an explosion that sprays it’s lava on everyone. 

It’s trauma, it’s shame, it’s anger.

It is also a necessary time of great opportunity.

And how humanity chooses to move through this will determine the outcome. 

The tension was unbearable and had to be released. 

Racial tension, tension around sex and gender inequality, poverty, environmental destruction, has all been mounting slowly to a point where the energy cannot be suffocated. 

It is releasing. A boil never looks good when it pops, but the icky pus inside needs to be liberated so it doesn’t infect the body behind it. 

There is what I see as a flattening of society, a reckoning from all the ways we have been kept small, shamed and controlled by outdated systems that cannot hold the new reality. 

Unless they also expand, grow and include every single person without judgement and fear. 

Beyond right and wrong, black and white, male and female, right or left, married or divorced, fat or thin, is this new humanity.

One that accepts and includes each individual by virtue of what they say they are. 

Not in accordance with what they think they should be, or what they have been told by another.

There is a growing elasticity in gender identities that is wonderful to move beyond hetero/homosexual to include all aspects of a growing spectrum of what it means to be human. 

Relationships are breaking down but perhaps only our ideas about them are. What if the definition of marriage/divorce is expanding to include all aspects of how we interact with each other, with our children and with our socially constructed roles of gender. 

The world of education and the work world are changing rapidly from the 9-5 office job to include online, virtual, and easier access for everyone.  The democratization of the internet has made it far easier to be in communication with other humans across the world. I had an exchange with a world leader in social entrepreneurship the other day as equal colleagues, this is the benefit of this global flattening.

The chains of control are being released. The old, crumbling institutions will fight louder and harder in the process. There is destruction and how we move through this will determine what rises from the ashes.

The inner and outer shame is being broken as we embrace who we truly are, what truly makes our heart beat, what makes us feel alive.

We are at a crossroads. We can choose. When we choose individually, we choose collectively. 

We can learn to listen to where we get triggered, where we are not free in our own bodies, where we feel shame internally and stand with compassion for ourselves and others to be seen. 

We are patterned to believe that when X happens, I do Y. What if I told you there were so many more choices that will reveal themselves if you do nothing right now, and let another solution rise?

We can take full responsibility for ourselves and not owe it to an institution to save us.

We can stop trying to fix and change others to fit our version of what is acceptable and come into the highest place possible within ourselves. 

And we can invite all parts of ourselves to the table to feast in compassion. Nothing to hide, nothing to protect, all to share. 

And we can invite others to join us in compassion, to learn and listen and to love each other for who they are not what we feel they should be.

This is how we can move together as a global embodiment of love. 

Nelson Mandela did it, Jesus and Ghandi did it, women and men behind the scenes are doing it right now. Coming together to understand in love outside of the systems we have known. I invite you to know you can do it too.

Our minds all work the same: they all come from our own particular level of understanding, of experience and of personality. From the young child in China to the elderly person sitting in Brazil. We are all of the same mind, doing this same thing. 

We can choose to fight it, to hang on to the last vestiges of control of patriarchy, or we can embrace this tidal wave in and around ourselves to include ALL aspects in love. 

Love or fear. It’s our choice. 

Let’s dissolve the shame that has kept us small within ourselves and see all our shortcomings as perfection in the light, our judgements as perceived control and let go of the shame that binds us. 

How does this actually look?

Forgiveness of ourselves and others.

Listening with a beginners mind to others and why they think the way they do. 

Questioning all the shoulds in your life: 

A better education does not make you a better person. 

Being thin does not mean you are happy. 

Being spiritual or religious does not equal a virtuous life. 

Being rich means nothing about who you truly are. 

Let’s abolish these tight clothes we are wearing and breathe deeply into the freedom of loving who we are beyond them.

There is no judgement day awaiting you. We are here to learn and grow and love.  

Let’s let down the barriers between us, even those we “hate” or feel angry at, our so-called enemies, 

We don’t have to agree, we don’t have to apologize for who we are. 

At the core of our hearts we are love. We don’t have to try to be what we already are. We just got scared along the way.

Let down the barriers around your heart and you will be ok, you will survive. 

Let down the rules and regulations of how who you have been taught to be, and embrace who you truly are. You are an individual being, not your parents, not your society or culture. You are you. 

You are far more wise and far more intuitive than you know. 

It is a sovereign path that ultimately unites us all. 

Sit with yourself and with others in the way that is fully accepting, fully loving of who we are. 

This is the greatest gift. The presence of love is the tidal wave that will transform us all, sweeping away fear and shame in it’s wake. 

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