Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on email
Share on linkedin

Fear of judgement? Fear no more…

33539-Byron-Katie-Quote-It-s-not-your-job-to-like-me-it-s-mine

 

It’s true.  Don’t give the job of approving yourself to anyone else. They’re not reliable employees. So many times we hold ourselves back, aren’t truthful, or hide for fear of being judged or not liked by others. It reminds me of a children’s story about fear of monsters in the closet… they seem so big, ugly and scary, until you open the closet door and find there is nothing there. It’s all been imagination. Fear is mostly in the head, fueled by thoughts….big, transparent thought you could pass right through. Unfortunately our bodies don’t know that so they react with a fight-flight-freeze response which is very useful when being chased by a sabre-toothed tiger, but not when you just have to have a difficult conversation, make a speech, start a new job, or worry about how you look. Our mind then believes our body… whoa, this must be really serious/scary if I’m feeling this way…. and round and round we go on an imaginary ferris wheel.

 

So, if fear of what others think of you is holding you back, listen closely. I have some words of wisdom:

They are judging you, and

They are not judging you.

That’s right. People are going to judge and it’s impossible to prevent it. You will waste your precious time and energy trying. Let it go. Does it truly affect your life if someone judges you? How?

However, most of the time, no-one is judging you. It is far bigger in your own mind, and you are simply not that important to them, or conversely, you are very important to them and they love you anyway. Think about when you judge others (yes, you do). It’s often just about how you feel about yourself at the time.

Right now someone might think you have judged them. Are you thinking about them? Probably not. And guess what… right now no-one in the world is likely thinking about you.

Harsh? Maybe. Freedom? You bet.

Ask yourself what you would be doing if you didn’t know how to care about what others think of you. Good, now go do that.

See the fear for what it is… a big, ugly imaginary monster that creates an imaginary wall separating you from your life and your potential, your enjoyment.  Don’t use it as an excuse. Step into your own shoes. Some may be offended and many will love you so much more for just being you.

 

Have a great week!

Madeleine

 

“When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you’re 40, you don’t give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you’re 60, you realize nobody’s been thinking about you at all.” – Dr. Daniel Amen.

 

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Madeleine's Most Recent Posts

What Happened When I Gave Up?

You might be thinking that I was really depressed, flopped out on the couch or decided to walk away from something. The truth is, I gave up running from myself. Do you know that pattern? And I stopped following the “I should really…” and the “I better….” and the “What

Read More »

How Has False Fear Affected Your Life?

We spend our lives trying to be the observers of the catastrophe, rather than being in the catastrophe.  Turns out, neither is a great place to be.  First of all, my heart goes out to all the people of the Ukraine who are fleeing or fighting in an untenable situation,

Read More »

You DO Matter, and This Is Why

 When I was young,I asked big questions,  Why do we have to sit in school?Who invented going to work all day?Why don’t adults play more?What can I know for sure?  (turns out, not a lot!)  I still ask big questions and wonder why the world has to be like it is.  I

Read More »

Moving from Shoulds to Wants

This blog sprung up from a Facebook post that had so much reaction, I’m going with it! I have lived most of my life, from the time I was an early teen, from the question “What should I do?”. What should I wear What should I say, write, study, exercise,

Read More »

Subscribe For Peaceful Insights

Top Posts

Want To Know The Truth About Anxiety?

Madeleine’s Archived Posts