Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

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Fear of judgement? Fear no more…

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It’s true.  Don’t give the job of approving yourself to anyone else. They’re not reliable employees. So many times we hold ourselves back, aren’t truthful, or hide for fear of being judged or not liked by others. It reminds me of a children’s story about fear of monsters in the closet… they seem so big, ugly and scary, until you open the closet door and find there is nothing there. It’s all been imagination. Fear is mostly in the head, fueled by thoughts….big, transparent thought you could pass right through. Unfortunately our bodies don’t know that so they react with a fight-flight-freeze response which is very useful when being chased by a sabre-toothed tiger, but not when you just have to have a difficult conversation, make a speech, start a new job, or worry about how you look. Our mind then believes our body… whoa, this must be really serious/scary if I’m feeling this way…. and round and round we go on an imaginary ferris wheel.

 

So, if fear of what others think of you is holding you back, listen closely. I have some words of wisdom:

They are judging you, and

They are not judging you.

That’s right. People are going to judge and it’s impossible to prevent it. You will waste your precious time and energy trying. Let it go. Does it truly affect your life if someone judges you? How?

However, most of the time, no-one is judging you. It is far bigger in your own mind, and you are simply not that important to them, or conversely, you are very important to them and they love you anyway. Think about when you judge others (yes, you do). It’s often just about how you feel about yourself at the time.

Right now someone might think you have judged them. Are you thinking about them? Probably not. And guess what… right now no-one in the world is likely thinking about you.

Harsh? Maybe. Freedom? You bet.

Ask yourself what you would be doing if you didn’t know how to care about what others think of you. Good, now go do that.

See the fear for what it is… a big, ugly imaginary monster that creates an imaginary wall separating you from your life and your potential, your enjoyment.  Don’t use it as an excuse. Step into your own shoes. Some may be offended and many will love you so much more for just being you.

 

Have a great week!

Madeleine

 

“When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you’re 40, you don’t give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you’re 60, you realize nobody’s been thinking about you at all.” – Dr. Daniel Amen.

 

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