Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on email
Share on linkedin

Fear of judgement? Fear no more…

33539-Byron-Katie-Quote-It-s-not-your-job-to-like-me-it-s-mine

 

It’s true.  Don’t give the job of approving yourself to anyone else. They’re not reliable employees. So many times we hold ourselves back, aren’t truthful, or hide for fear of being judged or not liked by others. It reminds me of a children’s story about fear of monsters in the closet… they seem so big, ugly and scary, until you open the closet door and find there is nothing there. It’s all been imagination. Fear is mostly in the head, fueled by thoughts….big, transparent thought you could pass right through. Unfortunately our bodies don’t know that so they react with a fight-flight-freeze response which is very useful when being chased by a sabre-toothed tiger, but not when you just have to have a difficult conversation, make a speech, start a new job, or worry about how you look. Our mind then believes our body… whoa, this must be really serious/scary if I’m feeling this way…. and round and round we go on an imaginary ferris wheel.

 

So, if fear of what others think of you is holding you back, listen closely. I have some words of wisdom:

They are judging you, and

They are not judging you.

That’s right. People are going to judge and it’s impossible to prevent it. You will waste your precious time and energy trying. Let it go. Does it truly affect your life if someone judges you? How?

However, most of the time, no-one is judging you. It is far bigger in your own mind, and you are simply not that important to them, or conversely, you are very important to them and they love you anyway. Think about when you judge others (yes, you do). It’s often just about how you feel about yourself at the time.

Right now someone might think you have judged them. Are you thinking about them? Probably not. And guess what… right now no-one in the world is likely thinking about you.

Harsh? Maybe. Freedom? You bet.

Ask yourself what you would be doing if you didn’t know how to care about what others think of you. Good, now go do that.

See the fear for what it is… a big, ugly imaginary monster that creates an imaginary wall separating you from your life and your potential, your enjoyment.  Don’t use it as an excuse. Step into your own shoes. Some may be offended and many will love you so much more for just being you.

 

Have a great week!

Madeleine

 

“When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you’re 40, you don’t give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you’re 60, you realize nobody’s been thinking about you at all.” – Dr. Daniel Amen.

 

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Madeleine's Most Recent Posts

A New Kind of Anger

Most of the women I work with who are stuck in people-pleasing mode, have difficulty expressing, or even locating the emotion of anger.  There is a link. A very important one.  Seeing as anger is a life-force energy designed to protect and alert the system that something is wrong, not

Read More »

How Do You Age Gracefully When You’re So Angry?

You don’t, is the short answer.  First of all, the phrase “aging gracefully” just pisses me off. Why? Because it sends a message that women are supposed to age in smooth, flowing, ballet dancer style.  Not the stop-and-start, messy, sometimes scary and angry and often hilarious way we live.  Oh

Read More »

My Experiment in Timelessness

This summer I had the opportunity to spend 4 days at my cabin alone.  What I thought would be a time of rest and relaxation, perhaps invite some company, do some work, turned into a whole lot more. And a whole lot less. I noticed when this time arrived I

Read More »

The Beauty and Danger of Labels

Where are you free of labels? In a crowd or by yourself in nature? “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”   Ralph Waldo Emerson I have to agree with Ralph. This is the work of a lifetime. To find out who you truly are rather than what you have been told.  I went for a run

Read More »

Subscribe For Peaceful Insights

Top Posts

Want To Know The Truth About Anxiety?

Madeleine’s Archived Posts