I have seen so many amazing clients over the years, and even over the last few weeks, but I am very clear with myself: my goal is to work myself out of job.
I want a world where emotions are normal and accepted, where we are kind to ourselves first, and we can see fearful thoughts for what they are: thoughts.
People ask me everyday: What should I do about xxx? How can I change xxx?
I could give all kinds of to-do lists and task to check off to get temporary change but to be honest, it’s just busy work and a distraction at best at least initially.
The thing is, we have set ourselves up with so many rules, laws and beliefs that we surely cannot trust ourselves to know what to do, let alone cope with a crying or angry inner child!
We also have a world that confirms this message in every way, that you don’t know your own self, and you need to improve upon whatever you find if you dare look inside.
The truth is, we have these rules and laws, shoulds and shouldn’ts and “have-tos”, but let’s face it, it doesn’t work. We are criticizing and killing each other anyway!
Madeleine, are you saying you want a lawless anarchy? No, not at all.
But how can we ever learn to trust ourselves when we are so busy layering on the double icing of judgement of how we should or shouldn’t be, without looking at what we already are.
No-one gets to point B without starting at point A.
Nothing changes until we see what it actually is.
When we are so busy trying to reach another state we are like walking fight-flight-freeze organisms at war with others and ourselves.
So, let’s put down the arms.
Let’s let go of the struggle and let our nervous systems rest and then trust yourself to know what is next.
Give yourself permission. That’s it. That is what I do as a therapist and it is the only way truly forward without creating another stress pattern. Sometimes i’ts not the actually issue we think it is, it’s our reaction to it.
Can you let the pain be the pain without the bracing of muscle tension, shortness of breath, and fear around it?
The truth is, what we resist persists. Does this mean we allow injustice?
No, it means the opposite. It means we allow ourselves to feel what we feel and from there, we will come to the next natural step that is WAY more effective.
- If we don’t like or allow anger, expect to be raging inside.
- If we resist rest, expect to be exhausted.
- If we hate certain people, expect them to occupy a mansion and drink cocktails in the real estate of your mind and heart.
- These things don’t go away, they just live and grow behind the barrier you have created in your own nervous system.
What we allow tends to lose it’s power over us. Don’t worry, when we let ourselves be lazy, we are not working so damn hard against it. Truth is, you will likely enjoy some relaxation and have SO much more energy!
We are SO primed to be against, but can you be for you? Can you be there for you, in whatever form your organism is showing up as right now? Or will you continue to beat it up, give it reprimands and criticize it into shape. It doesn’t work.
See what this feels like, it will tell you everything you need to know.
Ok let’s try this. Make up your own list, or say these out loud and notice the shift:
Permission to feel angry
Permission to grieve forever
Permission to take risks and fail (or permission to NOT take risks!)
Permission to feel hurt and abandoned
Permission to feel like a bad person
Permission to make mistakes (lots of them!)
Permission to be healthy
Permission to be sick
Permission to rest
Permission to work damn hard!
Permission to feel what you feel
Permission to NOT feel what you feel
Permission to be stuck
Permission to feel depressed
Permission to panic
Permission to say no
Permission to say yes when you mean no
Permission to feel scared
Permission to hide
Permission to speak out
Permission to disappoint other people
Permission to judge
Permission to not be healthy
Permission to want what you want
What is your permission slip for today?
Can you feel the expansion when you don’t have to hate yourself for it anymore?
Can you feel the letting go of any pressure to be anything other than you are, right now, in this moment? This is a nervous system shift from bracing to embracing.
Ahhh. Now things can move.
And, permission for them not to.
I can hear you, “But Madeleine, things will go to hell in a handbasket!”
Really? How are things going so far?
Trust yourself. You know what to do. Give yourself permission.
On that note, I am giving an online workshop October 8th for ways to react and respond to one of our most misunderstood emotions:anger.
Click on it to check it out below. Permission to attend, permission to not attend.
Anger is Not the Problem: October 8th, 12-2pm
Does this resonate with you?
Leave a comment below and let me know what you are giving yourself permission for today,
Warmly,
Madeleine
