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Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

Honesty as Treatment for Pain and Suffering

“What’s wrong with a little white lie?” 

You have probably heard that, or said it yourself. A little lie never hurt anyone. That might be true in some cases, and this is not a moralistic issue here, it’s a health issue. 

We have ALL learned to lie. To ourselves, to others, to the world. It is the mask we wear. 

It only becomes a problem when it becomes a problem. 

The biggest lies I see and feel in myself are about how we feel. And I also know the healing that occurs when we get honest with ourselves. Everything changes. 

For example, you are angry or hurt. Do you say:

It’s not that bad. 

Others have it worse. 

They didn’t know what they were doing. 

Don’t rock the boat. 

OR, talk to everyone else except the person you most need to talk to.  This is drama. And trauma. 

In Dr. Gabor Mates work with illness, he says again and again, there are certain personalities who get sick. Basically the ones who don’t feel and express their own needs first. 

Now, doesn’t that sound contrary to what the world has taught you? To give, be selfless, don’t hurt feelings, keep the peace?

One of the biggest issues in your own health is healthy expression and setting clear boundaries. Or we get sick. Period. 

Don’t worry, here’s the thing. 

It’s never too late to start again. 

You have the right to choose anew at any time. 

This week I had to say NO to 2 projects I was involved in that no longer aligned with where I am now, and also NO to 2 events beckoning me forward. 

This is the process of becoming more aligned with life. Your natural state that lies beyond the shoulds and obligations of your conditioning. 

Not to mention, the big pile of research on healing anxiety and chronic pain conditions with expression of difficult emotions. Turns out this also affects our children because if we are not being truthful with others and setting clear boundaries,  chances are they aren’t either. 

This is a learning journey, you are a learning, growing human being. 

And this is one of the most important lessons I would teach everyone I work with if I could. 

So go ahead. Get honest. At least with yourself. 

Say or write “I am SO f#$%$# angry right now”, “I feel so ashamed, or hurt”, “Wow, I am SO sad.”, “I’m scared.”.

Say it to the trees, to the sky, cry it out, yell it out, let the energy move through your body. Let go of blame and step into full responsibility for what is moving through your own body. 

Cry. Move, Shake. Feel. 

And when you are empty, rest. 

Beautiful. This is true honesty. 

The next day you will feel completely different and you will know what to do, if anything. 

And if you want more of this good stuff, join a womb breathwork journey with me, where new things are birthed. 

I’ll keep you posted on the next one.

Lots of love,





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