Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

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Getting to the Root of Things

I had the amazing chance to spend 5 days in New York City last week learning how to really help you more effectively in the work that I do. It’s important to me to deliver the best info in the best possible way, and bring all that knowledge back to you, my readers. So, what did I do as soon as I got home? Mow the lawn! Gardening! 

It may not always seem like it, but this work that I teach is all about doing what needs to be done. It’s not about sitting around and just ‘being’. It’s all about action… clear, efficient, effective action. Yes, there is sitting, but how else do you separate the wheat from the chaff and discern what action is truly aligned with your intentions, your values and your heart? Let’s face it, most of the world is running around being busy, which is sometimes necessary, but we still have choices in all that busyness. The problem is that we are too busy to reflect on what feels ‘right’ and what truly doesn’t. We have choices to choose what will help us, and what will stress us. It’s sitting still like a frog, waiting, watching, then taking the sharpest action possible to snag a fly without hopping around after it wasting energy.

 

We literally can’t see the forest for the trees.

 

What was supposed to be an hour turned into 3 hours. As I untangled weeds from the rosebushes they were strangling, I dug them out from the roots. But some of them (the ones with huge, flat leaves.. what are they?) have roots so deep, one literally has to dig a deep hole to get it out. Yes, I could just take out the top, but then I’ll be back soon digging out an even bigger weed. Just like the work I do in therapy when we go digging up core beliefs that are strangling our happiness, our potential, and causing frustration and misery, like my poor beautiful rose bushes.  Look at this:

 

How we see the world is how we experience it. How we see the world reflects our inner core beliefs about it.

 

Einstein said ” There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle or as everything is a miracle.”

 

What do your core beliefs reflect? That life is hard, a struggle, dangerous, needs to be controlled and feared, or that we all struggle, but there is still beauty in the chaos? 

Even more importantly, what are your core beliefs about yourself? Notice what immediately came up there. Was it critical or compassionate?

Getting to the root of negative core beliefs can require time. It requires a deep dig. It requires observation and excavation. The positive ones don’t need examining… they’re true!

But when we do find one, it’s like finding moldy cheese… yucky, but so great that we found it so now it can be cleared up!

How can we know what unconscious beliefs are lurking below the surface in the drivers seat?

 

If you have the same negative or frustrating experience in your life, your relationships, or your career, there is probably an unconscious pattern at work.

It doesn’t take much to find out where we get stuck. The problem is what to do now. Here’s the next steps:

Ask yourself: How does the situation make me feel? and then…

What is the negative belief about myself that comes up in this situation? It will start with “I am….”. 

How old is that belief or when did I first feel that way is a useful next question. We usually find these beliefs originate in childhood when we couldn’t see or understand anything beyond out own experience. Here are some old and quite common culprits:

I need to make people happy.

I am not enough.

I need to be _____(fit, smart, in control etc)  to be worthy.

It’s all my fault.

 

You will notice that these beliefs have something in common. They are fixed, as opposed to fluid, and they are open-ended in that it’s not just about being good enough to get into university or get a job, it’s about who you are as a human being. And they are complete hogwash.

Laugh at them, smile at them as they arise, knowing they were created from a younger self. Dig them out at their roots so all the beautiful, expansive qualities of yourself can shine into the world, free of the limiting beliefs that hold back your growth.

My rosebushes can grow into their predestined potential now, and so can you. 

 

From my corner to yours,

 

Madeleine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “Getting to the Root of Things”

  1. oh, dear Madeleine…such amazing work you are doing in this world! Thanks again for such an amazing post to be chewed upon by those who choose…
    I have a mouth chalked full as I type 🙂
    Alex

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