Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

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For When You Feel Stuck: Moving from Soft to Fierce

Feeling stuck? 

“I’m feeling stuck” is a thought trying to describe either a tension in the body or a thought pattern of looping and not coming up with the next step or the solution. 

Have you felt stuck in a relationship pattern, a work project or a life decision? 

Sometimes feeling stuck is a symptom of not yet knowing.

When we resist not yet knowing we create a tension and angst in ourselves because we feel we should know.

But what if we just don’t know.. yet?

If that is the truth of the moment, any amount of resistance to it will take you farther away from your knowing. Fighting with the thought “I’m stuck” is like fighting in quicksand. You either drown or exhaust yourself trying. 

The other day I was driving my teenage son to school and, to put it kindly he was not in a great mood. If I’m honest, I probably wasn’t either. 

We said our goodbyes and he got out of the car, turned around and waved, or at least I think it was a wave!

I absolutely hate starting my days like that. I wanted to run after him, hug him so tight (a teenager’s nightmare) and tell him how much I love him. 

But I sat there, feeling stuck. 

I felt a well of tears rising.

I don’t want this pattern. 

Then anger, how dare he.. after all I do.

Then sadness, when will this be over?

Helplessness… it’s one of those mornings in the life of a mother, no big deal. 

I felt stuck and there was nothing to do. Nothing. 

Have you felt this way? 

Well, there IS always something you can do, and that is to get off the thought of “I feel stuck” and release the stuckness in your body.

So I walked, then I ran.  Releasing the stuckness in my breath, my muscles and my mind. 

Now I am all for curling up in front of the fire with a good book, but there are times when you need to rein in the mad and sad part of you with a fierce compassion that says:

“Now, it’s time for something different. You are not staying in the stuck lane and thinking will get you nowhere. No problem-solving, no ruminating, just get unstuck in your body.”

If you start to argue, step in:

“We’re not arguing here. We are stepping out of that groove right now by moving.”

Kindly, fiercely, compassionately, everyone wins. 

Stuck at your desk? Get up, shake your arms and legs, deep strong breaths with an exhale as you fold forward to your toes and hang there. Repeat. Works every time. 

Stuck in a problem? Look up and out.. at the sky, the clouds and realize you are so much bigger than a “problem”. Do some gentle twists to “wring out” the stuck tension.

Stuck in a situation you don’t want to be in? Stand strongly in warrior feet, one forward, one slightly back. Practice moving forward raising your palm in front and saying “No’.  Keep practicing and voicing it until it comes naturally. 

The body is our ally. In fact it is an endless source of wisdom that shapes our state and our lives. Posture changes chemicals in your brain.

Changing thoughts is powerful, yet limited. 

Harnessing the power of the body is… limitless. 

You all have it and you can all do it. 

The key is to re-enter your body in a different way, not one that fixes, contorts and manipulates it to do what you want. 

In a way that promotes feeling safe, feeling secure and confident, because let’s face it, 2020 has shown us that safety does NOT lie in outside sources. 

We can only EVER feel safe inside our bodies. 

And when we do, healing happens, relationships shift and lives change. 

Magic happens when you feel safe in your body. You move from simply changing traits (short-lived) to changing states (true healing). 

This is what we are exploring in my new upcoming course “Becoming Embodied: Heal Your Body, Heal Your Heart.”

Doors open to the public tomorrow and I am so excited. I can’t wait to tell you about it. 

Let’s make 2021 the year of true healing and true safety in an uncertain world,.  Finally come home to our own lives, in our own bodies (can’t get another one!), in this very moment (only one there is!). 

It is only ever in this moment that you have a choice, and you always have a choice. 

Stay tuned for more tomorrow. 

This is gonna be good.

Take care of yourselves fiercely,

Madeleine

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