The other day I had a misunderstanding with my teenage son. It was a situation where from one moment to the next, we were both in a place that felt hurt, angry and confused.
He is also sensitive, as I am, so we can bounce off of each other like a squash game.
Of course afterwards, given time and reflection and the allowance of emotions to settle, I could see more clearly where I contribute and how he perceived it. It all made sense.
In the heat of anger or conflict or worry or illness, it can feel like “this is the way it is”, not even in a thought but it’s like the brains ability to see past it is gone.
I guess that’s why it’s called the survival brain. It keeps us focussed on the threat.
In the moments of reflection when the fingers of blame are down, we can stand back and see the big picture.
That everything is a passage.
It is here now, until the next passage comes along.
Everything is always changing, and somehow when we stay open to this knowing, we create more space around it for life to move and other options, choices and possibilities to emerge.
When we cling out of fear OR enjoyment, we create tension and suffering.
Everything is a passage, and everyone is on their own passage.
Tomorrow, next week, next year, in an hour everything will be different unless you cling to this one.
The secret is to get out of your own way.
As a person that probably worries about others too much, it helps me to remember.
Teenagers grow up quickly and they are experiencing life differently.
I am learning and adapting everyday.
I am also in a passage where I have a different world view.
The morning is different from the night.
In a month this whole world will have changed.
In 7 years we have renewed all our cells to create an entirely new body.
And, when I picked him up from work later, everything had changed.
Does that help you to stay compassionate to yourself in whatever passage you find yourself in?
Move like water not ice, clinging to nothing but change.