“I’ve tried to change, but I just can’t seem to do it.”
“I’ll think I’ll always be stuck.”
“I guess I’m just not cut out for this.”
These statements break my heart when I hear them. Addictions, behaviour patterns, relationship patterns, anger, flying off the handle… these are all patterns we try and try to change by implementing new behaviours or avoiding the triggers. All with good intentions.
But we’ve got it all wrong.
Yes we do need new habits to replace old ones, but to only do that is rarely sustainable and the old roots are still there, waiting for some water and sun to grow again.
On a personal and on a global level, this statement is true:
What you resist persists.
I had a conversation with a colleague I’ll call Kate about a diet coach (don’t get me started on the word ‘diet’, I prefer ‘health’) she was seeing in her many efforts to lose weight over the years. She had tried so many diets and I had watched her try and “fail” too many times to count. My heart ached for her. She told me that she ‘hated’ her appointments with her diet coach, not because she was cheating or not following the advice the coach doled out to her, but because she felt criticized each time for something she may have overlooked or forgotten and no matter how hard she tried, she always came away feeling worse.
Red flag. Criticism never healed anyone. Including ourselves. I’ve said this before: you cannot shame yourself or anyone else into being a better person, reaching your goals or losing weight. It’s not sustainable. You won’t be happy when you get there, or only fleetingly.
In my work with clients, we don’t look at the “problem” as a hole to fix, we look at it as a place to dive into deep, to love and accept as a divine part of yourself that was created for some specific reason.
Go narrow and deep. You will get to the root of many holes.
This is healing. Accepting ALL parts of yourself as divine parts of the whole. To divide and conquer creates tension and tension invites more tension.
Criticism invites more criticism.
Shame invites more shame.
Give me someone who externally behaves like an asshole, and I’ll give you someone who has shamed a part of them self, or been shamed for it.
Give me someone who has low self-worth and I’ll give you someone who has believed lies that a part of them self is bad.
There are no “bad” parts. Only parts that have mistakenly been exiled according to what you have been told to believe.
Any appointment that makes you feel worse about yourself as a human is not an appointment with truth.
This is not to say that we shouldn’t be held accountable to our behaviour, that is not truth, and we know the difference.
Shine the light on your own truth. All parts of you are worthy. Every single one.
It’s just that some are old and outdates, or not healthy for your physical or emotional body.
When we can see and lift these patterns up to the light of day, change happens. The moment you know the root, things begin to shift.
When we see when and why they were created in an effort to stay safe, protected, loved, included, or to deal with difficult emotions, we can forgive and truly heal at the root.
This is how we heal. At your core, you ARE whole. Welcome the parts you loathe and watch them change.
This is part of what we do in my 3-month course Empath Sanctuary.
If you have figured out that you have a sensitive nervous system, are prone to anxiety, depression, chronic pain, stuck in the fear of over-giving, people-pleasing and fatigue then this is the course for you. I so love this course and am committed to giving you what I feel is most important for your healing and to avoid overwhelm.
The doors are open right now at an early bird price until midnight August 7th, then the price goes up.
The course starts Monday August 17th. I would love to see you in there.
Hit ‘reply’ with any questions you have.
Tons of love for all your parts,