Madeleine Eames

- Psychotherapist
- Mindfulness Teacher

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Quit the Victim Job.. Mindtrap #3

 “Nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”

Shakespeare

 

Who is responsible for your happiness? You, that’s right, 100% you.

 

Notice how you reacted to that statement. If it resonated and you felt empowered, you’re on the right track. If not, you’re likely stuck in a victim mindset. How do we know if we are in the role of victim? It’s usually coloured with blaming and complaining. That’s mindtrap #3: Blaming and Complaining.

 

When we blame and complain we take the responsibility off of ourselves, not just for doing, but also for what we really feel. For example, I gave some talks at a seniors centre on stress and happiness and found that the older women took to complaining about their husbands, who were not as socially active or healthy as they were. This became a focus, but as I got closer to the truth I found out that they what they really felt was fear and frustration at getting older and fear that they would get isolated. They also yearned for connection with their spouses. When they took responsibility for their own feelings, they were empowered to live their own lives and seek out connection with their hubbies or with their community. Staying stuck in blame is soul destroying.

How you see the world is how you will experience it.  If you feel you are powerless, how can you feel powerful?

 

When we watch the news or observe our own lives and express disgust, sadness, frustration… that’s natural, necessary and honest. We can look accurately at the world around us. However, if you hold that as a reason to be unfulfilled in your own life, or that “THEY’RE doing that to me” that’s wearing a victim hat. You can use negative experiences to grow, contribute, make your life better… when you are ready. BUT.. it all starts with realizing that you are 100% responsible for how you react to your life. It’s impossible for someone else to be. Blaming and complaining is disempowering to the true you… not to mention it triggers that good old stress response in your nervous system…

 

How about you? What do you blame and complain about the most?  How about you give it up and get on with your beautiful life?

 

 

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change”

Dr. Robert Anthony

 

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