Over time and after thousands of hours of providing counselling to people who feel stuck, I have realized that most places where people hit their heads most boil down to one recurring, stuck belief:
“I am not enough”
How do you tell? If not exercising enough, working enough, helping enough, making enough money, socializing, or fill in the blank leaves you feeling bad about yourself as opposed to just an observation in that moment, then you are probably dealing with this sucker.
If a break-up, a project or a conversation has left you feeling like it was your fault and you screwed up, look at the facts… is it true? If so, then own up and maybe it’s repair time. If not, then you and your efforts are enough.
If you have trouble setting boundaries, honoring your feelings and sticking up for yourself and what is good for you, then you might not realize how important you are and that whatever you feel is enough.
It might surface in disguises such as ‘I’m not important’ or ‘My feelings don’t count’ or ‘I’m always behind the 8 ball’ or ‘I’m not smart, beautiful, thin, lovable….enough’ or numerous other masks, but often ‘I am not enough’ lurks below the surface.
First off, I’ll tell you one thing: It’s not true.
Secondly, it’s something you picked up earlier as a result of a miscommunication.
Thirdly, let me ask you honestly, good enough for what?
Usually people can’t really answer that question. If you have kids, are they good enough? Look at grandparents, friends, spouses… are they good enough? I’m not talking about skills here, we can all improve our skills. I’m talking about their very essence as a human being.
It’s not a big concept to study, grasp and download. It’s another to put into practice. Look at the belief and see where it lands in your body. A heavy chest? Tight throat? Breathe and you might remember where you picked this one up. Keep doing that until the sensation feels lighter. If it’s a bigger trauma then get assistance from a therapist because this belief is holding you back from living your life fully and freely.
Here’s the thing. It’s not a big leap that you take and pass or fail. It’s only ever, ever getting through one, big, deep breath from beginning to end with full presence. And then another. Lots of those strung together equal a fully lived life.
We live life by moments. The shorter answer is always:
Don’t believe all your thoughts and Feel your feelings.
Have a wonderful week everyone,